I am one week away from leaving to go back to the beautiful country of Rwanda. I am sad to leave my wonderful husband, who is so supportive of me and of God’s calling for me. I am also sad to leave my beautiful daughter, who also loves Rwanda as much as I do, and would prefer to come with
me. I am also excited, I am nervous, and I am eager to see what God has planned for me on this trip.

I am finding more and more that I don’t know where God is leading me and where my life will go from here. For me, this is difficult. But I try to  remember every day that God’s will is much better than mine. I find courage to “step out of the boat” in knowing that God has a plan for me, plans to prosper and not to harm, plans to give hope and a future. (Jer 29:11)
Sometimes I can step out of the boat and walk confidently toward Jesus, sometimes I step out and walk as I slowly sink, and others I sink like a rock to the bottom. I want to eventually make it to where I never sink. I know I have faith in God but sometimes I struggle with trusting God, truly just letting go and letting God. But courage is about not knowing where my life will go and still going anyway. I will just say though that this is not easy, but it is worth it! To be able to see miracles every day, no matter how small, is so much better than going through the same mundane tasks day after day in fear of what God might ask me to do. I am happy I have chosen His path for my life instead of mine. Even through tears in my eyes and an ever present ache in my heart for the suffering I have seen, I can be still and know that I have helped at least a few.

April

As I sit here thinking about my life and wondering how God will work out all the problems before me, I wonder how I got to where I am right now. I used to live in a world that was happy and perky and simple - for the most part. I was oblivious to what happened outside my own little world. I thought it was better that way, as do most people. If I saw a homeless person I would look the other way because somehow looking them in the eye made them more human. If there was an ad online or on TV about people that were hurting in the world I could just change the channel or switch websites. If I didn't let myself see it, it somehow didn't exist right? Wrong.......
When God called me to Rwanda in 2011 I was forced to look and really see the people outside my world. I was forced to look directly into the eyes of people who desperately needed Jesus, needed medical attention, needed the basic necessities that I took for granted everyday. I had to acknowledge those needs as those eyes stared back at me with anticipation. I had been thrust into a world where it wasn't all rainbows and butterflies. It was REAL life!! Though this real life is hard to bear sometimes, because I am forced to have feelings for complete strangers and there are moments I wish I could unsee things, even just for a moment, I completely enjoy where I am now. I get to see raw emotion - the good and the bad. I can say I have never felt joy the same way as I do now. To see pure joy in people who have never had joy is the most amazing experience. To see a person that has suffered so much in their life, find peace and happiness through Jesus Christ is something I would give anything to experience over and over again.
So, how did I get here??
I said yes. I opened my eyes, even when it was hard and I chose to do the hard work to make a difference for at least one person. I just pray God will give me the opportunity to continue to live with open eyes and an open heart.
-April